apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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