Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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