whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
