im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
