It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
