A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
how does that bad decision feel?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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