So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Text me some of your sweat
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
