You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
