and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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