Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
