Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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