So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
