so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
