I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
