forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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