If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
