I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
