When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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