I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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