i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
