booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
