I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
