i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
