...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
did i just pee glitter
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
