at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
