I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
