I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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