Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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