i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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