Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
