So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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