Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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