If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
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