CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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