Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
