It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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