five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize
