In the future we'll all be gay
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
