Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
