Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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