Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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