Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
