So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
