The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
