She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
you had me at cake vodka
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My bed smells like the plague
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
