you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
