i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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