Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
