I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
