Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
