There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just want to make out with him forever
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