I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
