I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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