I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
