I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
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